Adaab (etiquette) of speech
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Aadaab of Speech
1. Some people do not speak clearly. They speak ambiguously and with formality. They consider the use of indications to be respectful. The listener sometimes does not get the message clearly and sometimes he understands wrongly. This causes much inconvenience. Therefore, speak up and speak clearly, without ambiguity.
2. Speak from in front of a person, not from behind. Speaking from behind a person is perplexing.
3. When renewing a request toa person, then mention it fully inspite of it having been stated before. Do not express yourself incompletely or ambiguously relying on an earlier explanation. It is possible that the earlier explanation has been partly forgotten, hence the listener may misunderstand the request if it is renewed without clarity.
4. Some people sitting at the back in a gathering clear their throats or cough in order to attract attention to themselves. If there is a real need to say something, go to the front and explain. However, this should not be done unnecessarily. It is improper to disturb a person involved in some work. Wait for the person to complete his task then address him.
5. Until such time that one topic has not been completed do not introduce another. While someone is speaking do not interrupt with another subject.
6. On making an enquiry reply in full, without ambiguity. When you are questioned, do not reply with confusing statements which necessitate repeated questioning.
7. While eating do not mention such things which nauseates or disgusts others. The disposition of some persons is delicate and cannot tolerate to hear the mention of disgusting things while eating.
8. In the presence of a sick person or his housefolk do not make such statements which cause them grief and to lose hope in life. Make encouraging statements to alleviate the pain and sorrow, saying Insha'Allah.
9. If you have to speak privately about a person who happens to be present, do not indicate this to another by means of the sign of the hand or eye. Do not let him realize that you are at all discussing him. This will apply if the discussion regarding him is permissible.
If the discussion is not lawful, then discussing him will be sinful.
10. On hearing news of someone's illness, death, etc. do not publicize it until you have confirmed the truth of the news.
11. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:
"Do not speak much besides Thikrullah.
Verily, abundant speech hardens the heart and the one with a hard heart is furthest from Allah."
This applies to futile speech even though the talk may be lawful.
lmaam Maalik (rahmatullah alayh) narrates that Hadhrat lsaa (alayhis salaam) said:
"Do not speak in abundance for your heart will be hardened."
In other words, fear and humility will be eliminated from the heart. Experience confirms this fact.
12. Hadhrat Ali (radhiallahu anhu) said that one should speak to people what they are able to understand. Do not discuss with them things which are beyond their intellectual capacities. Hadhrat Ali (radhiallahu anhu) added :
"Do you wish them to refute Allah and His Rasool?"
Some people will not hesitate to reject such Deeni narrations which they unable to comprehend.
Hadhrat Ibn Mas'ood (radhiallahu anhu) said:
"When you mention to people such things which are beyond their intellectual capacities, then such talks will most certainly become a cause for the corruption of some people."
13. Do not unnecessarily adopt the speech styles and slang of those who are ignorant of the Deen.
14. Be moderate in speech. Do not expand the discussion so much that people become tired and perplexed nor abbreviate the talk to such an extent that the aim and object of the discussion are not understood.
15. A female should exercise care when speaking. She should not allow her voice to be heard by men unnecessarily. In like manner a man should not express himself sentimentally in the presence of females. It is obligatory that a man abstains from reciting poetry and expressing himself melodiously in front of females (i.e., such females for whom the Shar'i law of Hijaab applies).
16. Do not mumble when speaking. Speak with clarity.
17. Be to the point. Do not beat about the bush when speaking.
18. Think before speaking. Sometimes a wrong statement uttered without thinking leads one to Jahannum. One will obtain salvation from this calamity by inculcating the habit of thinking before speaking.
19. Do not insult anyone. Do not say to anyone:
'Faasiq, Kaafir, Maloon (cursed), the enemy of Allah, unless the Shariah brands them with a name for committing a certain deed.
20. Do not be two-tongued, expressing views in the presence of a person calculated to please him, but when in the company of one holding another view, then speaking to please him.
21. Never engage in gossip, slander and scandalising.
However, it will be permissible to speak contrary to fact and reality in order to restore peace and good relationship between antagonists or enemies.
22. Do not flatter anyone.
23. Do not become embroiled with anyone in obstinate debate and argument. When you realized that the person is not prepared to accept the truth, maintain silence. Do not become intransigent and bigoted. Bigotry is exceptionally evil.
24. Abstain from statements in which there is neither Deeni benefit nor worldly benefit.
25. Do not curse or speak ill of time (the age). Time is blameless. By implication the criticism is directed to Allah Ta'ala, Nauthubillaah!
26. Do not praise those who are not upholders of the Deen (Abstention from praising them should not be construed to mean permissibility to hold them in contempt. It is not permissible to despise them nor to adopt a holier than thou attitude.)
27. It is haraam to speak ill (gheebat) of even children, mentally challenged persons and non-Muslims.
28. To deliberately listen to gheebat being spoken is as if one has made gheebat.
29. Juniors should not call their seniors by their names. They should adopt a name or title of respect and honour.
30. When meeting someone casually, e.g., along the road or by chance, do not engage in a topic which you will not be able to complete in the short while you are with him. If by the time of separating, the topic has not been concluded, you will either waste your time to complete the story or you will depart with the story unfinished. This leaves the listener in suspense and doubt.
31. If a person mistakes you for another, then immediately rectify him and state your identity.
32. In the presence of others do not use such terms which are considered uncultural. Express yourself in a cultured way, e.g., say 'the call of nature'; etc.
33. Where the company consists of three persons, two should not speak by whispering to each other, nor should they ask the third one to leave, nor should they speak in a language which the third person does not understand. This causes distress to him.
34. While two persons are speaking, a third one should not interrupt nor should he present his views unless asked to do so.
35. When someone is about to relate an incident to you, then even if you are aware of it do not silence him by saying that you know about it. With the intention of pleasing him listen to his talk.
36. When someone speaks ill of your seniors, do not inform them thereof. By entertaining their talk you too are involved in gheebat. Narrating the gheebat to them is even worse.
37. Do not camouflage your error giving it an interpretation to avoid the error being known. Acknowledge the error and offer an apology. Even acknowledging one's error fifty times does not appear as bad as offering a devious interpretation once.
38. Do not indulge in story-telling unnecessarily. Do not waste the time of a busy person by prolonging the conversation with small talk.
39. Do not answer unnecessary objections. When you discern that the objector's motive is only to object, not to learn or understand the truth, maintain silence or tell him : "Go! You have understood it so."
40. On obtaining the answer for your question, do not maintain silence. If you have understood the answer, declare it in some way. If you have not understood, then ask for clarification.
41. Most people suffer from the malady of stating their case incompletely. This causes great perplexity. State your case fully.
42. Even on entering your own home, announce your arrival. Enter with consent. One does not know in which condition the womenfolk in the home may be or may be a na-mahram female is present. (Na-mahram female is a woman for whom hijaab is incumbent). Entering without permission is uncouth and uncultural.
43. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said that among the rights of a Mu'min is that he be addressed with respect and affection. The prevalent custom among the Arabs (during the early time) was to address people by their family name. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) himself called Hadhrat Abu Bakr (radhiallahu anhu) by the title "Ateeq", Hadhrat Umar (radhiallahu anhu) by the title, "Farooq", Hadhrat Humzah (radhiallahu anhu) by the title "Asadullaah" and Hadhrat Khalid Bin Waleed (radhiallahu anhu) by the title, "Saifullah".
44. When meeting a person for the first time introduce yourself sufficiently. Provide your name and place of residence (town or country).
45. Speak the truth, but not harshly and unculturally. Declare the truth respectfully and in soft words. Do not speak in such terms calculated to hurt the feelings of others.
46. Do not speak regarding a matter which you have not confirmed.
47. Do not speak sarcastically.
48. Do not crack such jokes which are hurting to others nor speak in a way which embarrasses people.
50. Do not speak mockingly of anyone.
51. Do not speak on the basis of mere suspicion. While you are entitled to safeguard yourself on the basis of suspicion, it is not permissible to blame someone or accuse on the basis of suspicion.
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